I am finally at the point in my life where I am no longer handicapped by the dark seasons that come in my life. I use to just try and survive the hard times, barely getting through each day. I grew up in church, in an amazing Godly family and had the greatest influences in my life. Yet when tough times came, it was like I forgot everything I knew to be right and true. I would become distant. I would shut down. I would rebel. I did everything I could to avoid the darkness. I did not know how to handle all the pain and turmoil that came with each hardship.
I couldn’t understand these seasons and to be honest I still don’t fully understand the ones I go through now. I still have a lot of the same questions as I did. The way I embrace these difficult seasons now is just a lot different. As much I wish I could orchestrate my life to be easy and without pain, truth is I can’t keep difficult things from happening in my life. Until the day I go home to be with the Lord, I will continue to face trials of all kinds.
Today instead of fighting against these hard times, I am on my knees asking God, “Please show me what you are trying to teach me in this.” I am simply choosing to trust the One who loves me more than I can ever comprehend. The situations are still tough, I still feel immense pain, and I still grieve but I am not staying there in my darkness. I could choose to stay there and slowly die inside (which I have many times) or I can choose to grow. In my life now, I choose to grow.
“It is indeed extremely doubtful that a person’s soul can really know the love of God in its richness and in its comforting, satisfying completeness until the skies are dark and threatening. Light emerges from darkness, and morning is born from the womb of night.” Streams in the Desert
I no longer want the crazy, difficult times I go through to be in vain anymore. I no longer want to come out of these seasons unchanged, defeated or less than what I was. I want to be like gold going through the refining process. I understand that each hardship is like the tremendous heat needed to refine the gold into the brilliant, precious metal. I want to be just like that gold. I want to beautiful, brilliant and precious! Someone told me that a person’s character is strengthened most during the darkest days. I believe it to be true…
“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for strength to endure a difficult one.” Bruce Lee
I am doing my best to open my heart to the pain and suffering I face in life. I have learned it is better to do so, than just sitting around, filled with emotions. I pray: God teach me, mold me, refine me, strengthen me, purify me….I trust you, the one who made me, to continue to write the story of my life. As long as I am still breathing I know God is not finished with me yet. He is not finished with you yet. I have written one of my favorite Bible verses below. I pray that it encourages you the way it encourages me.
I now know that trials and tribulations come with both a purpose and a reward. “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. . . . Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which the Lord has promised to those who love Him” (James 1:2-4,12).